Preschoolers ask many questions about sex! “Where did I come from?” “How do you make a baby?” “Does grandpa have a penis? Does grandma?” Often these questions are asked at the worst time!

What is a parent to do? 

Many parents are surprised and embarrassed when asked these questions. Sometimes parents will change the subject or shy away from answering their child.

Children are curious about sexuality. They get messages about sex and sexuality from television, radio, movies, songs, books, magazines, family members, other adults, and children. Often these messages are confusing. As parents, we must realize that sexual messages are everywhere and therefore it is important for us to talk with our children about sex and sexuality.

You can help your child develop positive sexuality:

• Be a positive role model.
• Make your child feel comfortable when he/she ask questions, even if we do not know the answers.
• Be willing to talk openly about sexuality.
• Give your child information according to his/her age and development.
• Teach your child sexual values.

Common sexual behaviours of young children:

• Boys get their first erections before they are born.
• It is normal for infants to touch their genitals.
• Children of all ages may play with their genitals.
• Many 3-4 year olds look at each other’s bodies and may touch each other's private parts.
• From age 3 on, children are curious about where babies come from.
• Children enjoy using swear words, bathroom language.

How to talk to your child about sex:

• When your child asks a question, answer it, even if the answer is “Good question. We can talk about that later.” (Don’t forget to talk about it.)
• Answer the question in words he can understand at his age. For example, if a 4 year old asks, “Where do babies come from?” a good answer would be “Babies are made by a mother and father and grow in the mother’s body in a place called the uterus.”
• Find out what he really wants to know before you answer. If he asks where he came from, ask him what he thinks. If he thinks that babies grow in the mother’s tummy, you can give the right words and tell the child he grew in the mother’s uterus. Maybe his friend came from Windsor and he just wants to know if he came from Windsor!!
• Find a time and a place that is comfortable for talking about sex. It could be while you are taking a walk or at bedtime.
• Use proper words for body parts, right from birth, i.e., penis, breast, vulva.
• Take time to answer your child’s questions about sex. Make answers correct, honest, short, and simple.
• Let your child know when you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. It’s ok.
• Be positive. Let your child know you are glad he came to you with his questions.
• Let your child know when you don’t know the answer.
• Find a book on the topic of your child’s questions and read the book with your child.

References:

• Johnson, T.C. (2007). Understanding Children's Sexual Behaviours - what's natural and healthy. San Diego, California: Institute on Violence, Abuse and Trauma.
• Toronto Public Health. Sexuality and children. Retrived March 2009, from http://www.toronto.ca/health/sexualhealth/sh_sexuality_and_children.htm#Parents'%20concerns
• Zolten, K., & Long, N. (1997, 2006). Centre for Effective Parenting. Talking to Children About Sex. Retrieved, March 2009, from http://www.parenting-ed.org/handouts/sex.pdf