Preschoolers ask many questions about sex! “Where did I come from?” “How do you make a baby?” “Does grandpa have a penis? Does grandma?” Often these questions are asked at the worst time!

What is a parent to do? 

Many parents are surprised and embarrassed when asked these questions, and tend to change the subject or shy away from answering their child.

Children are curious about sexuality. They get messages about sex and sexuality from the television, the radio, movies, songs, books, magazines, family members, other adults and children. Often these messages are confusing. Whether we make an effort to talk with our children about sexuality or not, our children are getting all kinds of messages about sex from their surroundings.  We, as parents, must realize that sexual messages are everywhere. Therefore it is important for parents to talk with their children about sex and sexuality.

As parents, we can help our children grow up sexually healthy by:

• Being a positive role model
• Being able to make our children feel comfortable when they ask questions, even if we do not know the answers, but are willing to find out the answers
• Being willing to talk openly about sexuality
• Giving our children information according to their age and development
• Teaching them our sexual values.

Normal sexual behaviours of young children

• Boys get their first erections before they are born.
• It is normal for infants to touch their genitals.
• Children of all ages may play with their genitals.
• Many 3-4 year olds look at each other’s bodies and engage in sex-play.
• From age 3 on, children are curious about where babies come from.
• Children enjoy using swear words, bathroom terms and telling “sex” jokes.

How to talk to your child about sex

• When your child asks a question, answer it, even if the answer is “Good question. We can talk about that later.” (Don’t forget to talk about it.)
• Answer the question in words he can understand at his age. For example, if a 4 year old asks, “Where do babies come from?” a good answer would be “Babies are made by a mother and father and grow in the mother’s body in a place called the uterus.”
• Find out what he really wants to know before you answer. If he asks where he came from, perhaps he wants to know where babies grow. Ask him what he thinks. He may think that babies grow in the mother’s tummy. You can give the right words and tell the child he grew in the mother’s uterus. Maybe his friend came from Windsor and he just wants to know if he came from Windsor!!
• Find a time and a place that is comfortable for talking about sex. It could be while you are taking a walk or at bedtime.
• Use proper words for body parts, right from birth, eg. penis, breast, vulva.
• Take time to answer your child’s questions about sex. Make answers accurate, honest, short and simple.
• Let your child know when you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. It’s ok.
• Be positive. Let your child know you are glad he came to you with his questions.
• Let the child know when you don’t know the answer.
• Find a book on the topic of your child’s questions and read the book with your child.