Children are not born with the ability to control their strong emotions. It is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children how to express their feelings in ways that respect others.

Parents serve as role models. If you yell, your child will yell. If you hit, your child will hit. If you slam doors, your child will too! If you walk away to calm down when you are angry, your child will learn to do this too.

Parents often feel that they should be able to control their children’s feelings. Sometimes children feel angry. That is OK. Sometimes parents feel angry. That is OK. Learning to express it in a healthy way is what is important.

Give the child words to express his emotions.

• “You are frustrated that your tower of blocks fell over.”
• “You feel left out since your brother went to play with his friend.”
• “You were disappointed when you couldn’t catch the ball at T-ball.”
• “You were angry at the grocery store when I wouldn’t buy you the candy.”

Set limits regarding inappropriate behaviour and tell children what they can do.

• “When you are frustrated, it is not ok to throw your blocks. You can take some deep breaths, or you can leave the blocks and try to build the tower later.”
•  “It’s ok to feel left out when your brother leaves, but it is not ok to hit mommy.” Next time, come and tell mommy that you feel left out. “
• “How do you think Jerry felt when you called him a “stupid face”?    I know you were disappointed when you didn’t catch the ball, but you cannot call people names. It hurts their feelings. How do you think you could handle it if you missed the ball the next time?”
• “Tantrums will not get you what you want. Next time, I will be going to the grocery store by myself. After that, we will try to go shopping together again.”

How to prevent anger and aggressive behaviours.

• Make sure your child is not hungry or tired.
• Limit the number of stops you have to make when out with young children.
• Be aware of the situations that trigger outbursts in your child and try to limit them.
• Prepare children for changes in their routines.
• Make fair and simple rules.
• Praise children when they are acting appropriately.
• Offer choices whenever possible.

The Windsor-Essex County Health Unit offers workshops for parents with toddlers and preschoolers. Check out the Events section for a list of topics, dates and locations. The health unit has also developed a handout Helping Toddlers and Preschooler Deal With Strong Emotions which you can download.