A child’s attachment relationship depends on two important parts: Your ability to provide a safe and secure environment. Your child’s experiences with this secure environment.

Positive experiences lead to feelings of trust.

Your child’s experiences in the first two years of life are very important; they shape the way he reacts to stress and challenges.

What can I do to help my child develop a healthy attachment?

Birth to 2 months

My baby is crying! Can I pick him up? Will I spoil my baby? Many parents express these fears, so it is important to remember – you cannot spoil an infant. Hold your baby as much as possible, especially when he cries; it is his only way of communicating with you. It is very important to go to your baby whenever he cries. He needs to know that when he cries, someone will come to help him. Sometimes when you have taken care of all your baby’s needs and he is still crying, try holding him close to you, comfort him, sing softly to him, smile at him, and try rocking him and gently dancing with him.

2 to 7 months

When your baby is hurt, sick or afraid you need to go to her right away and comfort her and respond to her needs. At this age, crying is still your baby’s only way of telling you something is wrong. Your baby also needs your attention when she is not crying. Take the opportunity to respond to your baby when she looks up at you, coos or reaches up for you. She needs to know that you will respond to her, smile back, and talk to her. Let her know that you see her and that she is important enough to have your attention.

7 to12 months

At this age, your baby will communicate with you by babbling, smiling, crying, or turning away; try to understand what he is telling you. It is very important when playing and talking to your child that you do this face to face. Watch your child while he is playing; follow his lead. This will help encourage his creativity. If you start every play activity for him, it will stop him from exploring and trying new things for himself. Your child is more comfortable being left with people he knows, those who look after him the most. New people can sometimes frighten him. Make sure you cuddle with him before you leave and tell him that you love him and that you will be back. When you return, cuddle with him again and tell him that you love him. This will help teach him that he is safe and secure and that you will always come back.

12 to 24 months

Your child will now explore her world a little further away from you; she is learning more about her world everyday. However, she needs to know that when she gets scared, she can come back to you for comfort and to start feeling safe again. Make sure that she is always in your sight so she can find you easily when she is frightened. When she feels safe she will go off exploring her world again. Your child needs to know that even though she is starting to do more things on her own, she always has your love and affection.

Reference:

• Attachment: What is it and what can I do to promote healthy attachment? (pamphlet). Calgary Health Region, Collaborative Mental Health Care, April 2004.